What Happens When FF9 and FF7 Mix
by Ashes Incindia
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if the Final Fantasy worlds clashed? Get ready for the most insane, crazy, ridiculous story you ever read! XD Sequal coming soon to a fanfic near you....


1**Note: I don't own FF7 duhh. But I own Sephy!! Mwhaha : P jk**

**Cast**

FF9: Eiko, Zidane, Quina, Dagger, Kuja, Vivi

FF7: Cloud, Sephiroth, Cid, Barret, Reno, Rude

Setting: Hair Salon, Spa, and The Babe Bar

**What Happens When FF9 and FF7 Mix**

( Seph and Kuja come skipping right in the salons together)

Kuja and Seph: Giggles

Seph: Oh my gosh! Kuja, I'm totally gonna get a perm!

Kuja: Like totally, I'm gonna get my nails done first...

Quina: Me want food!

Seph and Kuja: Oh shut up, go to the bar your so not eating us.

(Meanwhile, Reno and Rude are outside The Babe Bar talking)

Rude: Hey, I heard there's some hot babes at the bar.

Reno: Well durrrr it's the babe bar! A lil piece of heaven for us all...

(Reno and Rude then walk into the bar. As they go in, they see Quina pigging out)

Reno and Rude: Sheesh, take up any more room?

Quina: Quina pig out because Quina hungry, would you like Quina to share?

Reno: Hell no, I gotta go...take care of business.

Rude: Reno, you know you get horny when you see babes, and I told you to go "take care of business" before we came!

(Reno and Rude go to the bathroom)

(Cid and Barret are sitting at the bar when all of a sudden Quina can't find a seat and decides to sit on them)

Cid: (muffled voice) What the hell?

Barret: (muffled voice) What the $$$$#$#&&&!!!! Get yo big fuckin ass offa me!!

(Seph and Kuja are done with their make-overs and skip right into the bar)

(Then Reno and Rude come out of the bathroom feeling satisfied until all of a sudden they see the "so called girls")

Reno: Hey babes, you guys are sexy!

Rude: Rennnoooooo!!!!!! What the hell are you doing??

Kuja: Excuse me? Were you talking to me? Because I'm a man.

( Moment of Shock)

Seph: We may be beautiful, but were men... want proof?

Quina: Quina even know they men! But you don't? Quina will eat you she will!

Quina: Uuhhh ohhh Quina need blow bomb!

Barret and Cid Together: OH HELL NO.

Reno: Rude let's go home, I've had enough confusion and bullshit for one day. Besides there's no babes here...wait a minute...OH SHIT this is a **_Transexual_** bar!!!!!

Rude: Fuck yur right!

(Reno and Rude are on there way out when all of a sudden Quina does a surprise attack and eats them)

Quina: Just as I suspected, tastes like rotten meatballs!

( Then it's Barret and Cid's turn to leave but they both end up being drunk at the wheel)

(Meanwhile...while Cloud was on his way to the hair salon to get a mow-hawk the size of the Sears Tower, he heard a crash right near him)

Cloud: Hmmmm... I bet that could only be...( He walks over) yup I was right drunk Barret and Cid. Ehhhh crashing for them is nothing new. ( Walks away)

( Not only did they crash but they smashed into "things". These "things" were actually 3 people, that were smashed into pancakes. Those pancakes were then rushed to the hospital to be inflated. Once they were pumped, Cloud then noticed these pancakes were actually Dagger, Zidane, and Vivi)

Cloud: Wow.

(Barret and Cid were so insanely drunk that they just blew the hell up)

Cloud: ...Things just keep gettin better and better!

...**10 Weeks Later...**

( Zidane is getting married to Dagger and is so happy)

(As Dagger was saying her last words, Zidane lifted the vail and it was hell)

Zidane: Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Eiko: My love has FINALLY come to me!!

Zidane: NNNNooooooooooooooo

( Runs away)

( Zidane is running away from Eiko when he notices something is...so not right.

Then he sees** QUINAZILLA!**)

Quinazilla: ME WANT FOOOOD!!! YOUUU LLOOK TASTY FOR MY MENU, GET IN MY BELLLYY!!

...**10 months Later...**

( Whole gang decides to party...in a rather drunk fashion)

Eiko: wooo baby look at that thang go!

Quina: Eat you me must, then eat everything!

Zidane: I am the horny king of monkeys

Dagger: What's wrong with you Cid?

Cid: I see the light!!!!

Barret: You mean me? Damn right hiccup

Reno: I'm a Sexxxxxy beast! Yeaaa...where are those tits anyways?

Rude: Woh I'm in hell...hey why is everyone red here

Seph: Guess what guys?? I'm actually the Planet AND the Universe!! Tehe

Kuja: I'm a shit-ready girl

Vivi: I gotta get the hell outta this mental hospital

Cloud: Passing out in 3...2...1...

**THE END...or is it?**

**Author: Ashes**

**Woooo weee that was crazy for you guys I bet! Well whether you liked it or not, ima gonna right a sequal soon...actually I already have it written down woop woop**. **Hey let me know what you think: ) thankies peace out**


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